Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
