Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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