Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
