Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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