Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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