i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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