I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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