I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
