It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
