bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
