does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
