Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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