I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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