my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
