I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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