Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
