I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize