Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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