Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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