Your tits are I can't wait for
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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