So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
