Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
