Just cropdusted the office
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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