dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
