I cut my penus on the lid.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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