Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
