so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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