woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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