Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
