Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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