There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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