I CAN MOONWALK!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
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We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken