im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
