I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.