remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something