did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
