I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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