matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
