Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
