don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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