so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
