Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
