Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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