Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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