News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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