Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
