The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
