hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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