Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
