so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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