I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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