My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
