So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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