So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
