Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
