I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
