Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
