I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
