Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
