you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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