Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
