So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
