the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
