Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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