Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
