I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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