Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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