the condom got lost in my hair
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
