I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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