we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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