got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
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Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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