I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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