is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
