omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
